Fight the War with LOVE

Once again, it's been far too long since I've written. Much has happened in the gap. Rather than a lengthy explanation of events, here is a quick list: I've lost 20 lbs. focusing on God and the wonderful program of support that was put in my path called Take Shape for Life. I'm preparing to speak at an upcoming women's conference in Coos Bay, Oregon the end of September, theme: Dressed for Battle. It's a free event if you're in the area. My kids are gearing up for school. Both are going to brand new schools and are excited. One will be in sixth grade the other a senior in high school. My mom's health is lacking, making me very nervous and edgy. Work is great ... busy. Hum ... that will do it for my update summary. Now down to business. The message of the moment.


Old friends. People from the past. Sometimes they come across your path. With all the online social networking sites it's not to difficult to find yourself "face to face" with past acquaintances. In fact, searching out old school chums and such can be rather fun. I don't do it often, but I decided to check on a long-lost friend from my groupie-girl, rock star chasing, drug taking days. About five or six years ago, this old friend found me via one of my blogs or a website and fired off an email my direction. I responded. And to make a long story short, she decided that my Christianity made me stupid, bigoted, judgemental ... well, you get the picture. As a self-proclaimed "pagan" she quickly put me in a box and determined what I'd be like without even knowing me.


Well, you know how God is, He keeps bringing certain people to mind. This woman has popped into my thoughts on more than a few occasions. With the advent of facebook, I found her easily and sent my own "friendship inquiry," which she responded saying that friendship with a hateful Christian like myself wouldn't be in her best interest. Ouch!

I'll admit, after receiving her response, I felt a bit hateful. I wanted to tell her a thing or two about her own judgemental attitude. Okay, so I did mention it (just a little). Later, I realized that more than likely, someone in her life, in the name of Christianity, said or did something to her that was very un-Christian. Maybe she was hurt, badly, by someone. The point is - I have no idea how she developed this belief system, as faulty as it might be. On the other hand, I have to admit, there are individuals in our world who do some pretty atrocious things in the name of God. Sadly, people watch people. They don't always read a Bible to learn about God. Instead, they watch those of us who say we know Him. This should be a good thing, right? Should be, but it doesn't always work that way.

Every night I've been praying for my old friend. Asking God to soften her heart and open her mind. I've also, for the umpteenth time been evaluating the "face" that I present to the world around me. Am I a warrior that uses the Sword of Truth to cut off heads, or do I wield love as my weapon of warfare?

I wish I could say that I'm always a loving example of Christ. I'm not.

Again, that old saying: "You might be the only Bible that someone reads," comes to mind. What will they read if I'm their book? Unfortunately, it depends on the day, the hour, the moment. Am I PMS? Frustrated? Too hot? Freezing cold? I mean, shoot, we can let the weather dictate our emotions. How do I respond to difficult situations? Do I panic? Freak out?

I know the answers to the above questions aren't always the ones that I'd choose; which means that should someone be watching me on the wrong day of the month, I just might be a bad example of the Christian faith. Not good. Certainly not how I want to represent my royal heritage as a daughter of the Most High God.

So, ask yourself, is there a place where people are paying close attention to your Christian walk? A certain person that has her eyes trained on you? Maybe you're not even sure. But, the bottom line is, we are to be the "light on the hill" for all to see. Right now, with so much darkness in the world, shining brightly has become even more critical. God wants to use us in BIG, BIG ways for His Kingdom glory. The question is, and always will be -- are we willing to let Him use us?

I know I want to be a better example to those individuals that find Christians to be sour. I want to be sweet. After someone has contact with me, I want them to be better for the experience. I want them to want what I have - a relationship with Christ.

So, Princess Warriors, are you up for the challenge. Ready to reign real in world filled with confused people lost in the lies the enemy has so successfully concocted ...

Let's ask God for our marching orders, and head into battle with strength, courage, and most importantly love.

Leave the stones behind

Wow! Where has the time gone? Have you noticed that I've started my last three posts off with a similar explanation?

It's time, finally, to refocus and push the re-start button. Baseball season (my son's) is over. Once again, I have found myself in a place I don't like. Too focused on his abilities and talents and all that that encompasses and less focused on what really matters: Loving God and Loving Others. Big no-no! When we do this; we end up feeling empty, icky, and too far from Him -- Jesus Christ.

Yes, we can make ANYTHING an idol, even our children and their activities. I wonder when I'll learn the lesson and cease repeating the pattern. I can pray and prepare to do much better next time around. God is like that, you know. he will give us the "opportunity" to do things the better way until we are able to do so.

Today, (and many days this summer) God has spoken to me about loving and encouraging words vs. not-so-nice and even downright mean words. Seriously, I find it so much easier to encourage my clients, other women, audiences I speak to ... the list goes on, than it is to encourage my own children. I've even earned the title "crazy mom" this summer, from not just one child, but two. That's not a good statistic when 100% in question agree.

Seriously, sometimes I'm so quick to point out the "truth" that I use some pretty mean methods with little thought to the damage and destruction my form of "motivation" is reaping in their lives. Also, they both have been getting under my skin with some of their own issues. My responses haven't helped matters. At church this morning, I was reminded quite clearly, again, about the importance of speaking truth, not lying, and not using our tongue as a wounding whip. When we practice loving words and loving actions we become incredible testimonies for our Heavenly King. We can try harder to speak better; read tons of self-help books: go to seminars and classes; ultimately, though, only God can change the way we speak by changing what's in our hearts.

Consider for a moment how so many fires get started during the summer months. You only have to drive through a national forest to notice the signs marked either: green, yellow, or red. It's evident what season we're in right now. Fires are devastating. They can cause miles of damage, destroy homes, property, and even lives. Sometimes fires rage for days, weeks, even months during fire season. Yet these raging infernos are often started by one tiny spark. Someone carelessly throws a match down and before they realize what's happened it's burst into frightening flames of fury. Even worse, there are those -- we call them arsonists -- who purposefully start fiery destruction regardless of the future damage.

Aren't our words the same? One nasty little comment. An untruth. A rumor. Even a truthful comment spoken in angry haste can lead to a bonfire of burning hearts.

I have to admit I've become rather obsessive with telling my children what they should do. After all, I'm the mother, right? I spend more time searching for the stones in their lives and pointing them out than I do enjoying the diamonds that they seek to share with me. I don't want to be known as the "nagging mother." No one likes a nag. I don't. Do you?

So why do we end up becoming that which we can't stand? Because by our own power we cannot control our sin nature. We may seem "tame" but then someone or somethings pushes our buttons and we can quickly create an inferno of words better left unsaid.

Imagine a lion. Our pastor shared about a tape he had watched where tourists got their pictures taken with one huge "tamed" lion. All went well until on unsuspecting visitor stepped on the tamed lion's paw. That tame lion nearly mauled the man to death. His true nature came through under pain, under pressure. Granted, we aren't animals with inbred instincts, but we are human beings with inbred sin. It is only by God's power and grace that we can truly find hope for our dilemma. Without the power of the Holy Spirit helping us restrain our sin nature, we will continue to start fires.

So, what can we do? How can we tame our tongues? These are the tips my pastor shared:

1. Realize that ONLY GOD can change the way you speak

2. Respond to the Holy Spirit's promptings. (Have you ever felt that nudge or prompting that tells you to shut your big mouth? It behooves us to heed these promptings.)

3. Be accountable. (Let others know of your struggle. When you blow it, which we all do at some point, have others around you that will pray for you and give them permission to point out your sin in love.)

4. Cry out to God for help. (Psalm 19: 14 is great for this. "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

I know I've touched on this topic more than a few times. I'm guessing it's something we need reminders about. I know I do.

As we start our weeks, let us look for the diamonds and stop seeking the stones. If we've started a fire or fires, let us do our best to put them out and help clean up the damage our fires might have caused. Let's reach out to God and others for help in becoming the Princess Warriors for Christ we were called and created to be. After all, when there's a house fire, a truck with a team of firefighters come to douse the flames, a remodeling company helps restore the home ... it's a team effort.

Bottom line let's ask God to continue renewing our minds and softening our hearts. For as our hearts soften our words will not be as hard.

God bless you sisters.

Happy All the Time: More on the Mask

More on the Happy all the Time Mask

(excerpt from Real Women Don't Wear Masks, Carol Van Atta and Dr. Kathy Rodriguez)

Remember the popular television sitcom The Brady Bunch? It’s hard to forget the always-smiling faces of this all-American, blended family from the 1970’s. I never once saw Mrs. Brady yell at the kids. She rarely showed any signs of frustration at her husband, Mike, and she smiled through one family “crisis” after another all while looking super spiffy in her polyester pantsuits and jazzy skirt ensembles. Alice, their live-in housekeeper, smiled even more (if that was possible) than Mrs. Brady. No matter what was going on in the house, her Happy all the Time Mask remained securely on, her smile shining brightly.

Fresh cookies, anyone?

In the Brady Family, a glass of milk, hot chocolate-chip cookies, and a cheery smile solved every problem.

In reality, no one is happy all the time, and unfortunately, cookies aren’t a surefire prescription for problem solving. Yes, I know, cookies seem to do the trick at times, but, seriously, life is full of trials, tribulations, and multiple temptations. We are assaulted daily with challenges that test our faith beyond what we believe we can possibly bear without an understanding of God’s plan for contentment and authenticity — for joy.

When we begin to accept our true identities as daughters of the King of Kings, we will realize that smiling all the time isn’t the real deal. It’s kind of like eating spam rather than ham, or tasting that rubbery fake-seafood-stuff instead of enjoying succulent fresh crab, or wearing pleather not leather … the substitutes are simply no match for the authentic. There’s just something uniquely refreshing about smelling real leather that you can’t experience by sticking your nose into the sleeve of your faux suede jacket.

When we pretend to be happy all the time, we miss out on the genuine joy and freedom that comes from just being who we are: happy, sad, angry, lonely, fulfilled, excited, nervous … but, oh so loved by Christ. Feelings aren’t good or bad. It’s what we do with them. Ultimately hiding them behind a phony face, will not only cause us pain and suffering, but also end up confusing and hurting others.

The truth is that people need more than a feel-good face spouting feel-good anecdotes — they need the truth. So, if you think you’re helping by keeping your ultra-positive façade intact, think again. You’ll make a positive impact like never before by learning to wear authenticity and joy rather than the old, worn-out Happy all the Time Mask.

Wearing Authenticity and Joy

Hopefully, you have discovered that pretending to be “happy all the time” is not healthy, nor is it godly.

There is a striking difference between a phony smile and a joy-filled heart.

We can be afraid, uncertain, and even in deep emotional pain, yet still have an undercurrent of godly joy that flows through us, as we grasp the incredible implications of Romans 8:28 NIV: We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

We can wear a godly joy that is accompanied by truth. Living as a genuine woman of God, a woman who is able to express her true feelings honestly and openly, yet who still can see God’s future promises, is our goal. This level of authenticity and spirit-filled joy will get us through our darkest hours without pretending to be someone we were never created to be. No one is happy all the time.

In fact, only recently, new, intimate information regarding Mother Teresa has come to light via private letters to her close ministry friends and advisors. Maybe some people will see her admissions of doubt and pain as unspiritual, causing them to discredit her ministry. What I see is a woman, like the rest of us, who faltered in her faith and was scared at times to share what was hidden beneath her exterior — her Happy all the Time Mask.

According to a Time article by David Van Biema, her internal struggles were great and extended through much of her ministry. “That absence (of God’s presence) seems to have started at almost precisely the time she began tending the poor and dying in Calcutta and — except for a five-week break in 1959 —never abated. Although perpetually cheery in public, the Teresa of the letters lived in a state of deep and abiding spiritual pain. In more than 40 communications, many of which had never before been published, she bemoans the ‘dryness,’ ‘darkness,’ ‘loneliness’, and ‘torture’ she is undergoing … She is acutely aware of the discrepancy between her inner state and her public demeanor. ‘The smile,’ she writes, is ‘a mask’ or ‘a cloak that covers everything.’”

Ladies, if one of the greatest Christian leaders of this century concealed her pain behind a mask, it is likely many of us have done, or do the same. I believe that God has now wiped every tear from this precious saint’s eyes, however, what a shame that she was unable to remove her mask and find true joy while living.

Let us not make the same mistake.

God’s Word has a great deal to say about joy and authenticity (truth, or being genuine). I challenge you to conduct your own topical search of these topics.

… the joy of the Lord is your strength. — Nehemiah 8:10 KJV —

So the ransomed of the Lord shall return, And come to Zion with singing, With everlasting joy on their heads. They shall obtain joy and gladness; Sorrow and sighing shall flee away. — Isaiah 51:11 NKJV —

Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous ones; and shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart. — Psalm 32:11 NASB —

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. — 1 Cor. 13:6 NIV —

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. — Philippians 4: 8 RSV —

To Be Continued ...

Barbies or snakes?

Pretty in Pink ... crowns, gowns, sceptors, and all the royal trimmings, just what a little girl (and us big girls) want, right? Well, maybe. But I believe there is so much more.

Today, as I was watching television with my nine-year-old daughter, a commercial showcasing a new pink, frilly, Barbie bike lit up the screen in all its pastel glory. And get this, in addition to the lifesize bike, the purchase includes a mini-bike that seats Barbie herself. That's right! Your little princess can ride into the sunset (or cul-de-sac) with Barbie and her little bike attached to the handle bars.

Certainly, part of every woman's dream is reigning as royalty, but there's so much more to our royal heritage as Christian women. We are destined to discover exciting adventures and grueling battles along the way. After all, little girls are not all "sugar and spice and everything nice" they are also full of spunk and more than a hint of toughness.

This commercial reminded me of several years ago. My own daughter came riding up to me on her pretty bike, ponytails flounching in the wind. She enthusiastically, peddled up to my car (I know, major safety issue) as I was driving into the neighborhood. I stopped the car see what my little darling had in her hand, and, much to my surprise (horror), she eagerly thrust a dead snake in my face. There were no barbies in sight.

She then grasped the dangling reptile's jaws and proceeded to make the poor thing "talk." Trust me that snake wasn't saying much!

"Get that thing out of here!" I screeched.

Without further ado, she tossed the lifeless serpent over her handle bars and rode away, ponytails once again bouncing and her little friend swinging side to side. Eweeeeee! Ick! Ug! Gross!

Later, when I found her and a girlfriend playing catch ... with the snake, I put my food down and gave it a proper burial.

What an amazing illustration of what we are to do with the devil (not the playing with him or pushing him in someone's face parts) but the discard him, throw him aside, toss him away, bury him concepts.

My point, once again, is we are Princess Warriors not simply docil dames daintily picking dandelions daily (Yikes! where did that come from?) Sometimes we have to get our hands dirty and fight that serpent of old that tempts and torments us. Certainly, God has ordained that men are the spiritual leaders and protectors in the family and church, but the Bible clearly admonishes us (all of us) to be watchful for the devil who is like a lurking lion seeking to devour -- us. God tells every believer to fight the good fight of faith and to put on the armor of God. That means us girls, too.

Not to mention, maybe you like me are the head of your household. Not by choice, but you are. In today's world, right or wrong, many women are thrust in the postion of leading and protecting their families. Even married women, are to stand beside their husbands, encouraging, supporting, praying, thus warring against the enemy. Whether you are single or married, adventure and challenge awaits.

Granted, life can be painful beyond belief, yet we must continue to raise the Sword of the Spirit and move forward one step and one prayer at a time. Even though the sword, at times, seems too heavy to lift, and taking that step feels like walking through quicksand, and prayer seems empty ... we still gotta do those things.

I guess I needed to hear myself say those words. Sometimes, I feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. I have to speak God's truth and be continually reminded of who I am in Christ. Sitting at my computer desk, in 90-plus degree weather, with my hair flat, no make up, and wearing a not-so-attractive tank top, I definitely don't feel like a princess or a warrior. However, girls, we gotta remember, today and everyday, how we feel isn't always TRUTH.

I want to challenge all of you. Please send a comment in response to this post declaring a biblical truth about who you are in Christ. Let's proclaim our King's goodness and grace, thus sharing His hope for a better tomorrow. Let's lift each other up. Amen!

Let's stomp on that darn snake!