Wearing Beauty and Modesty: No more masks!

I just love the above painting of Ruth.

Again, the following entry has been adapted from Real Women Don't Wear Masks, Carol Van Atta and Dr. Kathy Rodriguez (not yet published)

Precious Princess Warriors for Christ, we have finally arrived at our last entry about the Seductive Mask. Hopefully, the following entry will give you insight and encouragement for removing the seductive mask and the amazing benefits of instead putting on Beauty and Modesty. God bless you.

Wearing Beauty and Modesty

When you hear the word beauty, what comes to mind? Do you envision an airbrushed supermodel or an exotic woman from some faraway land? Maybe a famous movie star or teen pop queen? If you’re like most women, your immediate response likely had to do with outer beauty. Tan, toned, and sculpted — the All American dream girl.

We encourage you to take some time to research what is considered beautiful in different parts of the world, or in different eras of time. You will be pleasantly surprised by the diverse results of such a search. The idea of what is outwardly beautiful changes like the seasons. For some summer is best, while others choose winter as their favorite. And, of course, there are fans of fall and spring. So it is with the concept of beauty, especially if we are deriving our definition from the world around us.

In 2003, the winner of a beauty contest in Burkina Faso’s capital, Ouagadougou (Africa) weight 257 lbs. This contest was a stark contrast to the Miss World Competition which was held at the same time in China.

According to several sources, in the 1890’s a plump body and pale complexion was considered attractive as those features were supposed to represent wealth and a refined indoor lifestyle.

While at the letslookbeautiful.com website we discovered varying beauty ideals explored in detail. For example, in Asian cultures the focus in on a woman’s eyes. In the Middle East women who use more natural products for make up like henna and kohl are considered most attractive.

These are but a few ideals of what is considered beautiful. So, as you can see, we could spend countless hours, days, even weeks trying to figure out what type of “beauty” we want to be, and once again, these remedies are all outside solutions to an inside dilemma. After all, according to God’s ideal, and He is our King, beauty is more a matter of the heart. We should be more concerned about the motives of our hearts than the brand of make up we buy or jeans we try to squeeze into.

God’s Word clearly explains:

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 NIV

Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. Rather let it be the hidden, person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the
sight of the Lord. 1 Peter 3:3-4 NKJV

Rather, clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature. Romans 13:14 NIV

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braded hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. I Timothy 2:9-10 NIV

I love the definitions of modesty and self control provided by an online article featured on Crosswalk.com appropriately titled: Fashion and Following the Savior. “Modesty: ‘Propriety: The avoidance of clothing and adornment that is extravagant, showy, and sexually enticing.’” Self Control: “’Restraint, moderation for the purpose of purity.’”

Now this doesn’t mean we can’t dress nice and fashionably. In fact, I think as daughters of the King of the Universe that representing Him well in appearance is very important. In fact, our dress can even reflect our inner qualities. For example, if I’m focused on purity, loyalty, serving God, helping others stay focused the Savior and God’s love, dressing like a wild woman is not an accurate representation of those beliefs.

However, modest dress doesn’t mean wearing a turtleneck during the summer months, or a giant gunny sack the rest of the year. With wisdom, we can easily figure out what is modest, attractive and appropriate attire as modern Christian women. It is probably best to avoid, belly baring hip-huggers, low cut blouses, see-through dresses, and the like. Ladies, we know, don’t we?

In one of our healing classes in Restoration Ministries entitled For Women Only: Accept No Substitutes, we often offer to help a woman in the class review her wardrobe as she exchanges the lies and false promises of seduction for the eternal truths of beauty and modesty.

Ultimately, if we clothe ourselves with the Fruit of God’s Spirit, we will discover that we are walking as beautiful and modest women of God, no longer vying for the sinful Seductive Mask.

The Story of a Friend

Ruth, the Moabite woman — a widow, sister, and beloved daughter-in-law — she was a woman who reflected beauty and modesty both inside out. Her noble character is fully demonstrated in her friendships and relationships. Therefore, an examination of her life will prove helpful in understanding the benefits of wearing a new God-ordained identity.

Imagine, if you will, that you married into a family that did not share your personal religious beliefs or your social customs. You have possibly risked judgment and ridicule from your family and friends by adopting the seemingly strange foreign practices of your new husband and his relatives. After all, observing specific religious ceremonies play a magnified role in your life.

Overtime, you become more and more fascinated with the spiritual beliefs of your husband and his parents. You find yourself drawn to the miraculous tales of a sea parting and a monstrous ark carrying Noah, his family, and all the earth’s animals to safety. The idea of a loving, consuming, and all-knowing God becomes more inviting as the years drift by.

Sadly, your father-in law and your husband perish, and Naomi, your faithful mother-in-law, a woman who is now closer to you than your own mother, gently encourages you to return to your family of origin as she plans to journey back to her homeland in Judah.

At this point in the story, Ruth’s situation has become more than a little disheartening, wouldn’t you agree?

We can’t forget she has been with her Hebrew family for over ten years. I’m certain the idea that she would be required to return to her old ways in the midst of such a tidal wave of grief sounded overwhelming.

Yet, amazingly, even after Ruth’s sister chooses to remain behind, Ruth completely separates herself from her home, her birth family, and any ties to her former pagan religion, and dutifully follows Naomi, discovering a whole new way of life.

Talk about a willingness to surrender to God’s will! In the comments Ruth makes to Naomi, her beauty and modesty shine brightly against the parched dessert landscape. Her servant’s heart is most pleasing to God and comforting to Naomi who has been left alone to fend for herself without a male relative.

Back in Bethlehem, where they finally settle, Ruth quickly follows Naomi’s direction and serves as a provider for both of them. The town folk can immediately see that Ruth is a godly woman of beauty, modesty, and integrity. She obeys the Jewish customs and gracefully fulfills her commitment to her aging mother-in-law.

We know what happens next, don’t’ we? Let’s fast forward, okay?

Ruth has begun to gather food behind the harvesters in a distant relative’s field. Upon meeting Ruth, Boaz the field’s owner, immediately senses her innocence and loyalty and provides a covering of safety.

Listen to Ruth’s unassuming response:

“At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She exclaimed, ‘Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me — a foreigner.’”

I love Boaz’s response.

“Boaz replied, ‘I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband — how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.’”

Dear friends, all these blessings from this kind, respected, God-fearing, and wealthy man were due to Ruth’s godliness not her seductiveness.

Modesty can be described as humble, unpretentious, reserved, meek, gentle, mild …
Ruth fit the description perfectly. She had no need to resort the kind of shenanigans that wearers of the Seductive Mask use. Remember our fist story about Mrs. PT, Potiphar’s over-pampered bride? She didn’t get “her man” nor did she keep her husband’s attention. Surely, Potiphar suspected what his wife had been up to. If not, he would have followed protocol and put Joseph to death. I’m quite sure that the disastrous results of Mrs. PT’s failed seduction only worsened after Joseph was imprisoned.

Ruth, however, obeyed God and lived as a beautiful and modest maiden who was ultimately rescued by Boaz, her Kinsman Redeemer. By refusing to be a scheming seductress, Ruth received all that most women yearn for: a handsome husband, a stable home, financial security, children, and the admiration of her peers and elders. Boaz’s words express this exact sentiment:

“And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do as you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character …"

Truly, ladies, when we live God’s Way things are much more likely to go the way we desire, and if they don’t, we can still trust that God knows best and rejoice over the fact that we didn’t compromise ourselves to get what we want. Amen!

You’re a beautiful princess, a daughter of the King, a woman of noble character, and a lady of modesty. No matter what you might have said or done in the past, God has chosen you to be His Bride. Don’t settle for less than the ultimate Bridegroom, Jesus Christ. Trade that old hollow mask for a life of worth and redemption.

To my precious Prince Charming,

Thank you for being my Kinsman Redeemer. Like Ruth, I can trust that you will care for me as I adhere to Your ways. I’m sorry for wearing the Seductive Mask. The truth is, it never even fit properly. Today, I understand that my survival does not depend on using my womanly whiles. I do not gain power or control by behaving in such an unbecoming manner. The acceptance and love that I so yearn for is found in You.

Right now, I choose to throw this filthy mask into the flames where it belongs. I refuse to reach for it again. I am trusting in You alone to meet my needs. You remind me to be anxious for nothing; after all you know my every desire and have numbered every hair on my head. Who could ever provide for me like that but you, my King?

Thank you for creating me as a woman of character. Please place other women of wisdom in my life to help love, guide, and support me as I learn to live a life free from masks.

I love you, Jesus. It is in your holy Name I pray. Amen.

Ladies, I welcome you comments. Feel free to share you thoughts and feelings about this mask, or any of the others we've explored. God bless you as you continue to "Reign Real."

No More Masks! Removing the Seductive Mask

The following excerpt was taken from Real Women Don't Wear Masks by Carol Van Atta & Dr. Kathy Rodriguez (not yet published) If you are a women's ministry leader/pastor and would like Carol and/or Kathy to share at your women's retreat about removing masks and embracing God's best, please email: carol_vanatta@yahoo.com or visit: http://www.carolvanatta.com/ for additional ministry details.

One dictionary describes the word seduce as follows:

1.: to persuade to disobedience on disloyalty 2: to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises 3: to carry out the physical seduction of: entice to sexual intercourse 4: ATTRACT Synonym see LURE — se-duc-er noun

How true? Seduction involves being led astray. Both parties — the seducer and the “seducee” — are led away from what is good and what is right. Such enticement happens for an array of reasons.

Women have learned through the centuries that their so-called feminine wiles, beauty, and sexuality can be used to sway men to do their bidding in spite of great consequences. Some women pick up this mask so frequently that it seems natural. After all, a few bats of those eyelashes and certain men have been known to forfeit their God-given destinies for a moment of promised passion.

What about the movie Pretty Woman? Some called it a “Cinderella Story.” But let’s get real, shall we? Julia Roberts was trying to get by and resorted to prostitution in order to make ends meet. Her naivety and outward beauty caught the attention of one lonely millionaire. They slept together and then he hired her to be his escort while he was in town. After wining and dining her, this handsome man rescued her from her former way of life and, together, they headed into the sunset in a super-extravagant, stretch limousine.

Again, the Seductive Mask was worn as a means to survive and it appeared that by donning this facade that our seductress won the ultimate prize — a real life Prince Charming.

But, sadly, the Pretty Woman story has just one thing in common with Cinderella — it’s a fairy tale. This is a mask that ultimately won’t work and a mask that will take us far from our Lord and King, our ultimate Knight in Shining Armor, our one true Prince Charming.

Today’s media only helps perpetuate the myth of unsurpassed glamour and glorious gifts that wearing this mask will provide. The following lies are replayed across our TV screens, in romance novels, on the Internet, and at movie theatres daily. Every young girl, teenager, and woman must face and overcome the following common, yet unrelenting lies:

1. Only beautiful and sexy women are admired and get what they want.

2. If I’m not pretty enough, I can still be extremely sexual and get my way.

3. Powerful women are seductive women; they are not ashamed of their sexuality, nor should I be.

4. The best way to get a man to do what I want is to behave seductively.

5. As a Christian woman, I can still be flirtatious and get my needs met by men. After all, I’m not actually having sexual encounters.

6. All the famous and desirable women are clearly seductive; therefore, if I want attention I should behave that way, too.

7. Appearing seductive is the best way to stay in control and have power over men. It will allow me to feel in charge and I won’t get hurt. After all, I’m the one calling the shots.

The constant mantra of the above messages leaves us struggling to stay on the path of truth. Everyday we must make a choice to lay this mask down where it belongs … at the foot of the cross. A greater understanding of why we are so often tempted to turn to this false face will help.

More on the Seductive Mask

The book of Proverbs offers a number of dire warnings to men, yes, men, in regard to women who are hiding beneath the mask of seduction. These women are referred to by several seemingly harsh terms:

Prostitute.

Adulteress.

Seductress.

Yet, when we are wearing this infamous mask, are we not indeed acting as such?
Proverbs 7:21-23 (NIV) states:

With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing
it will cost him his life.

Consider Proverbs 6:25, 26 (NIV):

Do not let lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the Adulteress preys upon your very life.

Ladies, we don’t share these words of truth to shame you, but to challenge you with lessons we’ve learned in falling victim to this mask. We are aware that horrible things from childhood lead many of us to wear the ever-popular seductive façade. However, the truth remains that this mask is far from God’s best. It is not what He has planned for you. It will never give you the true acceptance, confidence, control, power, or admiration that you crave. Eventually, the effects of this mask lead to death — an emotional and spiritual death for certain — for some, physical death.

If we indeed follow through, and use the Seductive Mask in a way that leads to sexual sin, the results can be life altering … deadly.

HIV, unplanned pregnancies, ruined marriages, families destroyed, and ministries uprooted are just a few potential side effects. The devil would like nothing more than to have Christian women buy into the lie that this mask is effective.

Let’s instead rise up and remove this deadly face, replacing it with godly Beauty and Modesty.

The Seductive Mask

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I hope you've been gleaning insight from the recent mask entries. Today, we're going to focus on a mask that women have worn since the beginning of time, a mask that so many young women (older gals, too) continue to embrace and wear boldly today. Ladies, as daughters of the King of Kings, using our womanly wiles to achieve results is not in anyone's best interest. Unfortunately, everywhere we turn this mask is touted as the one to wear. Remember, we are to be set apart from the world. Just because "everyone else is doing it" doesn't mean we should.

The following entry is adapated from Real Women Don't Wear Masks, Carol Van Atta and Dr. Kathy Rodriguez. (Yet to be published)

Removing the Seductive Mask
A sex symbol becomes a thing.... I just hate to be a thing.
Marilyn Monroe

Just the sight of her husband’s most trusted employee, Joseph, gave Mrs. PT a reason to stop and stare. She wanted Joseph in her bed and under her control.

As the wife a prominent military commander, Mrs. PT had dozens of servants under her authority. Her household was everything she’d dreamt of as a child — well-furnished, clean, stylish, and filled with gorgeous art pieces. As a woman of wealth and influence, she was envied by many in Pharaoh’s court. Her elevated social status coupled with supervising household affairs gave her a comfortable sense of power and confidence.

However, lately, her husband had entrusted all the affairs of their estate to the new, Hebrew heartthrob, Joseph. To Mrs. PT the young man appeared to be just and fair, and more than competent in all his dealings, but to her dismay, he had taken on many of her prior responsibilities as his own. Although she knew he was doing as her husband instructed, she felt slighted, bored, and antsy.

To make matters worse, when not working, her husband, Potiphar, spent long- hours indulging in his first love — eating. Food had become his most cherished lover. Mrs. PT had not been called to his bed chamber for several months. Although he proclaimed his love to her in passing, she felt alone.

One morning, after carefully applying her best cosmetics and perfumed creams, she slipped into a revealing gown of purple silk. The fabric clung snuggly to her form, making a soft swishing sound around her muscular calves as she eagerly prowled the corridors seeking her prey. Yes, prey. She was the hunter — a pleasure hunter.

She could no longer ignore the handsome Hebrew who moved through her treasured household as if it were his own. She would show Joseph who was boss and give them both great pleasures in the process. It had been far too long since she had felt the sensations coursing through her. Seducing this young man would prove she was still an exotic beauty with the insurmountable power of persuasion. Ah, yes, the challenge was intriguing and the capture would taste even sweeter.

“Joseph …” she called huskily. “Come here, please. I need your help.”

Thankfully, our Bible hero, Joseph, did not give into his mistress’ advances. He remained loyal to his earthly master and his God.

For a seductress like Potiphar’s wife, his refusal would have sliced through her heart with the agonizing force of rejection. A woman, who uses the Seductive Mask may do so for many reasons. In this case, control was a primary reason. Although attracted to Joseph, Mrs. PT was a woman likely used to getting what she wanted. Not only would she enjoy the results of the seduction, but also, most likely, she would find the so-called “chase” even more alluring. Using her feminine whiles to enchant and capture a man would be what gave her a renewed sense of control.

The Seductive Mask has been worn since the beginning of time for numerous reasons. We could write an entire book on this particular mask. Although, as Christian women, we may not behave as blatantly as Potiphar’s wife (yet, there are many proclaiming Christians who do) we still struggle with the lies and beliefs in our society that lead us to believe this mask is still somehow worth wearing.

Embracing the Lie

Carrie Anne hurried home as fast as she possibly could with the freezing wind whipping through her open jacket, its icy fingers chilling her. She wished her coat had buttons or a secure zipper like the other children’s. Carrie Anne understood though that her mother had to work extra hard to make ends meet, but, today, her mom’s two jobs were bound to payoff. This year, her mom had promised to have a special gift waiting when Carrie Anne arrived home to celebrate her ninth birthday — just the two of them.

Surprised to see another car in the driveway, Carrie Anne approached the house with cautious anticipation. Visitors were not common in their humble household. Maybe her mom had put together a surprise party. Just the thought of such an extravagant gift caused any lingering chill to flee as her body flushed with new warmth at the thought of such an unprecedented birthday treat. After all, nine was a big year. It was her last single digit birthday.

Playing along with the potential surprise party, Carrie Anne entered the house barely breathing. She could feel her heart pounding wildly. What she saw next startled her more than a room of party guests. In the kitchen, her mom was pressed up against Ray, the nice neighbor down the street. Her mom, normally a conservative dresser was wearing a silky red robe that barely covered her full figure.

“Ray, I promise to pay you back in the next few weeks. This means so much to Carrie Anne. And if the money doesn’t come in, well, I can make sure to pay you back in a way that will more than satisfy.” She trailed her fingers down the side of Ray’s neck.
“I think I might just like that payoff better. Yeah, forget the money. When’s your next day off?” He cupped her face in his hands.

“Mom …?” Carrie Ann questioned unable to remain hidden another second. “What are you doing?”

“Oh! Carrie Ann, your home early. Happy birthday, hon.”

Ray made a quick exit leaving Carrie Anne alone with her mom. Not knowing what to say, Carrie Anne fled to her room.

Later that evening after presenting Carrie Ann with a brand new winter jacket, her mother shared the following with her nine year old daughter.

“Honey, I’m sorry you had to see that. It’s just something that women gotta do when times get tough, or they need something. Men really like to spend time with pretty ladies. We have a gift, you know — the gift of persuasion. You’ll see when you get older. Survival is hard for a woman raising a kid on her own. You just do what you have to in order to make ends meet. Did you like you new coat?”

That image remained with Carrie Anne through grade school, middle school, and eventually, in high school, when her mom couldn’t always afford the things she wanted, Carrie Anne decided to put her mom’s theory to the test. She was amazed that she could actually get what she wanted and needed simply by acting seductively. Sure, she ended up crossing lines that she had promised herself she wouldn’t, but the payoff was worth it; wasn’t it?

Hopefully, you know the answer to that final question Carrie Anne asked. The payoff is never worth the spiritual, emotional, and even physical pricetags we end up paying when we wear the seductive mask.

Join me next time for more about this mask and how to wear Beauty and Modesty instead.

Set Apart as Princess Warriors. Are you?

Suburban Pole Dancing…or Holiness?
By Carol Van Atta

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory."

When middle-aged moms trade their makeup parties and Pampered Chef classes for pole dancing, God's glory is definitely not the primary agenda. Okay, I have to admit, if my body was a bit more bendable, I can see where dancing around, and goofing off with friends in the comfort of your own home wouldn't be such a horrible thing. But pole dancing? Yes, there was a big article about Suburban Pole Dancers on AOL awhile ago. I'm not kidding!

Picture this: You've invited your neighbors and girlfriends over for an evening get together. You tell them it's going to be more daring than a lingerie party, but not quite over the edge.
You sit chit-chatting about soccer games, Little League practice, and the weather, when without warning, the front door bursts open to reveal a scantily-clad, middle-aged woman. She teeters in on heels taller than the Empire State Building.

"Girls, are you ready to move those hips?" She sashays to the center of your room and whips out what looks like an oversized shower rod from her bag. With a precise twist and a quick turn, the rod becomes a portable pole like dancers swing around in those hoochie mama places we hope and pray our husbands, sons, and daughters never frequent.

She opens a large suitcase and displays a number of high heels just like her own. These feather-covered, rhinestone pumps look like something you wore way back when. So far back you can't quite remember anything but how uncomfortable they were. Ouch! Please don't make me put them on. Actually, they're for sale. Your pole dancing "instructor" wants to make sure you have every opportunity to take home a pair of your own sexy stilettos, not to mention, the portable poles (really) she has available for $450 and up. After all, you'll want to continue your pole dancing in your own home so your children can watch you rather than argue about MTV. Why worry about provocative music videos? They've got their very own suburban pole dancer — mom.

Your instructor spends the evening teaching your group how to bump, grind, twist, and shimmy around a pole just like a seasoned stripper. Now, granted, most of the women have a few extra bulges and bumps that most exotic dancers haven't yet earned, but who cares, you've now got "the right moves." Right?

Now imagine; you're married. Your husband promised to stay downstairs with the kids during your little get-together. But, hey, who listens, especially when food calls ... and when he hears that bump and grind music coming from the living room? What man wouldn't be curious? So, with your six year old son on his shoulders, he makes an appearance only to be met with your sexiest neighbor, bent backwards, legs straddled around the pole. Ooops! Can anyone say temptation, lust, embarrassment, close your eyes, son and husband?

I guess what I'm trying to say is -- we are to live differently than the world.

What kind of example are we setting to others, and our families, if we choose to participate in party-pole-dancing? The Internet makes this practice sound like the ultimate, safe, suburban escape. In fact, it promotes how you can use your new techniques to entice your husband. Now, I'm all for keeping the spice of life in a marriage, but, really, I can't imagine Jesus and the heavenly hosts all applauding while we slide down a strippers' pole, even for our hubbies. I guess holiness is becoming even more passé.


Am I a prude? No. Is God? Of course not. He invented sex within a marriage covenant to be enjoyed. But, when we start imitating the world, we end up with what the world's got -- a big, sinful mess.


Do I want my ten-year-old daughter pole dancing? Silly question. After all, what I do effects what she does. How can we promote purity and sex after marriage when everything and everyone around us is pushing for more sexuality, more erotic dancing, more, more, more?


Just recently, I read an article about a school that had to ban "dirty dancing." The new form of dirty dancing completely mimics sex on the dance floor. Music videos showcase gorgeous women flaunting their EVERYTHING, while men eyeball their assets like a slab of meat at the butcher's shop.


Friends, we must stand for our families. Please, pray and refuse to participate in suburbia's latest party craze, or any other actions that don't reflect God's glory. Share your concerns with others. It's not about us, it's about God.


I suspect if I could get my body to swing around a pole it might be kind of amusing, however, it is not something that would bring glory to my King. It is not something a Princess Warrior for Christ would indulge in. There are so many crucial things we could be spending our time doing. We can still have a fanfare of fun without making it a sin fair.

Today, choose to live in a way that is pleasing to God. Let us act in a becoming manner that brings blessings not curses.

Although we live in the world, we are to be set a part. Why not take a moment to ask God what areas you're slacking in. What areas have you allowed the worldview to become your view? Is it time for a spiritual check up? Get the manual (Bible) out and see what God has to say. You'll be glad you did.


SUGGESTION: If you want to have an in-home dance class, there are some great worship-dance classes that honor God and are fun, too. You don't have to shake your bum to have fun. Instead, give glory to the King!


Check out my article on healthy, God-approved sex at Campus Crusade for Christ's onling magazine: Christian Women Today.

Don't worry, we'll get back to masks next. I thought this was a good lead up to Removing the Seductive Mask. http://christianwomentoday.com/relationships/godsgift.html

Wearing Authenticity and Joy not the Happy all the Time Mask

Here is the final segment for Removing the Happy all the Time Mask

Adapted from Real Women Don't Wear Masks, Carol Van Atta and Dr. Kathy Rodriguez (yet to be published)

The Story of a Mother

Precious Mary, the mother of our Savior, so much has been written about this young Hebrew girl. She qualifies without doubt as a woman who exhibited authenticity and joy.
Upon receiving the angelic message — one that would forever change her life — she continued to live as a humble servant of the Most High, joyfully accepting her assignment with reverence and awe.

Remember for a moment, Mary was likely between thirteen and sixteen years of age. Her betrothed, Joseph, was probably much older. Virginity was treasured, and the loss of purity for a girl like Mary carried the penalty of death. Yet, in spite of the cultural laws and traditions, she agreed, without hesitation, to carry the Son of God in her womb.

Rather than plastering on a phony smile and acting as if everything was fine and dandy, apparently, she headed to her dear relative, Elizabeth’s home. It was there that she sang to the Lord, giving us a glimpse into her heart:

My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me — holy is his name …

Luke 1:46-49 NIV

We can only imagine why God chose Mary, but I believe there are some very specific things that led the King of the Universe to select this poor, “average” Jewish girl to be His vessel.

Her responses to the angel’s message clearly demonstrate that although the message was troubling, she was more than willing to submit to God’s authority, trusting in His plan and design for her life. She was the “real” deal. Honest, hardworking, filled with the joy of the Lord, and sensible in her dealings. The simplicity of the Bible’s characterization of this young woman is enough to tell us what she was not — pretentious, selfish, phony, gossipy, impure, or dishonest.

No, our beloved Mary went about her business with a calm sense of faith and trust, leading to an abiding joy from her relationship with the Lord. If Mary had been wearing the Happy all the Time Mask, her response to the angel’s revelation might have looked, instead, something like this:

Walking to the well, Mary smiled at the passerby. Although exhausted, she knew how important it was to keep a shining smile plastered on her face. After all, she was going to be married soon. There was simply too much to do, though. As she passed near her favorite resting spot, she was surprised to see a stranger sitting beneath a tree. He smiled as she approached. There was something odd about this fellow. He seemed to be expecting her. No doubt he was from another land. Again she smiled warmly, although she was quite frightened by his unexpected presence.

As if reading her mind, he instructed her to not be afraid and then proceeded to explain that she had been chosen by God to give birth to the Messiah.

“Excuse me …” she continued smiling although she felt as if the air had been sucked from her, “How is this possible? I’m a virgin. What will everyone think?” Without waiting for an answer, she continued her tirade.

“What will my mom think? My dad will just kill me; really, do you know the laws around here? But, of course, it would be an honor to bear the Messiah. Once people get over the pregnant part, everyone will be jealous of me. Maybe this won’t be so bad. I’ll just have to pull myself together and stay positive if things get too tough. I’ll have to find a way to convince Joseph of my purity. I guess God chose me because of my always happy demeanor …”

Phew! Scary stuff, huh? But isn’t that how we sometimes act when God gives us an assignment. Instead of simply embracing God’s plan with a quiet confidence and joy, comfortable to openly voice our misgiving with God and trusted friends, we go off on a tangent of “what ifs” and “I can’t.” All while we smile and pretend everything is okay.

Friends, we need not fear God’s plan. His purpose is always for our best. Isn’t it time to trade our Happy all the Time Masks for authenticity and joy?

Dear Lord,
What a relief to know that your expectation of us is not for us to wear a phony smile as we serve You. You are much more interested in truth and genuine responses. After all, you can handle our deepest, darkest emotions without blinking an eye. Nothing we think or feel is shocking to You. Pretending to be happy all the time, when the world is crumbling beneath our feet, is dishonest and not helpful to us or to others. Anytime we pretend and attempt to hide from our fears, we end up missing Your best.

In You, we can experience a godly joy like Paul experienced while locked away in prison. Although his circumstances were difficult, he was able to sing praises to You, joyfully. Help us be more like young Mary, eager to serve You, joyful in spite of her fears, and honest with her concerns. With You, Lord, there are plenty of reasons to smile. Help us understand the truth and joy that is available in our relationship with You. Amen.

The Big Bailout

Today, I'm taking a break from the mask series to share my response to the negativity that is so prevalent in our nation and world right now. For a hope-filled message and a challenge (Princess Warriors embrace challenge, right?) visit my other blog.

http://www.princesswarrior.bravejournal.com/

Happy All the Time: More on the Mask

More on the Happy all the Time Mask

(excerpt from Real Women Don't Wear Masks, Carol Van Atta and Dr. Kathy Rodriguez)

Remember the popular television sitcom The Brady Bunch? It’s hard to forget the always-smiling faces of this all-American, blended family from the 1970’s. I never once saw Mrs. Brady yell at the kids. She rarely showed any signs of frustration at her husband, Mike, and she smiled through one family “crisis” after another all while looking super spiffy in her polyester pantsuits and jazzy skirt ensembles. Alice, their live-in housekeeper, smiled even more (if that was possible) than Mrs. Brady. No matter what was going on in the house, her Happy all the Time Mask remained securely on, her smile shining brightly.

Fresh cookies, anyone?

In the Brady Family, a glass of milk, hot chocolate-chip cookies, and a cheery smile solved every problem.

In reality, no one is happy all the time, and unfortunately, cookies aren’t a surefire prescription for problem solving. Yes, I know, cookies seem to do the trick at times, but, seriously, life is full of trials, tribulations, and multiple temptations. We are assaulted daily with challenges that test our faith beyond what we believe we can possibly bear without an understanding of God’s plan for contentment and authenticity — for joy.

When we begin to accept our true identities as daughters of the King of Kings, we will realize that smiling all the time isn’t the real deal. It’s kind of like eating spam rather than ham, or tasting that rubbery fake-seafood-stuff instead of enjoying succulent fresh crab, or wearing pleather not leather … the substitutes are simply no match for the authentic. There’s just something uniquely refreshing about smelling real leather that you can’t experience by sticking your nose into the sleeve of your faux suede jacket.

When we pretend to be happy all the time, we miss out on the genuine joy and freedom that comes from just being who we are: happy, sad, angry, lonely, fulfilled, excited, nervous … but, oh so loved by Christ. Feelings aren’t good or bad. It’s what we do with them. Ultimately hiding them behind a phony face, will not only cause us pain and suffering, but also end up confusing and hurting others.

The truth is that people need more than a feel-good face spouting feel-good anecdotes — they need the truth. So, if you think you’re helping by keeping your ultra-positive façade intact, think again. You’ll make a positive impact like never before by learning to wear authenticity and joy rather than the old, worn-out Happy all the Time Mask.

Wearing Authenticity and Joy

Hopefully, you have discovered that pretending to be “happy all the time” is not healthy, nor is it godly.

There is a striking difference between a phony smile and a joy-filled heart.

We can be afraid, uncertain, and even in deep emotional pain, yet still have an undercurrent of godly joy that flows through us, as we grasp the incredible implications of Romans 8:28 NIV: We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

We can wear a godly joy that is accompanied by truth. Living as a genuine woman of God, a woman who is able to express her true feelings honestly and openly, yet who still can see God’s future promises, is our goal. This level of authenticity and spirit-filled joy will get us through our darkest hours without pretending to be someone we were never created to be. No one is happy all the time.

In fact, only recently, new, intimate information regarding Mother Teresa has come to light via private letters to her close ministry friends and advisors. Maybe some people will see her admissions of doubt and pain as unspiritual, causing them to discredit her ministry. What I see is a woman, like the rest of us, who faltered in her faith and was scared at times to share what was hidden beneath her exterior — her Happy all the Time Mask.

According to a Time article by David Van Biema, her internal struggles were great and extended through much of her ministry. “That absence (of God’s presence) seems to have started at almost precisely the time she began tending the poor and dying in Calcutta and — except for a five-week break in 1959 —never abated. Although perpetually cheery in public, the Teresa of the letters lived in a state of deep and abiding spiritual pain. In more than 40 communications, many of which had never before been published, she bemoans the ‘dryness,’ ‘darkness,’ ‘loneliness’, and ‘torture’ she is undergoing … She is acutely aware of the discrepancy between her inner state and her public demeanor. ‘The smile,’ she writes, is ‘a mask’ or ‘a cloak that covers everything.’”

Ladies, if one of the greatest Christian leaders of this century concealed her pain behind a mask, it is likely many of us have done, or do the same. I believe that God has now wiped every tear from this precious saint’s eyes, however, what a shame that she was unable to remove her mask and find true joy while living.

Let us not make the same mistake.

God’s Word has a great deal to say about joy and authenticity (truth, or being genuine). I challenge you to conduct your own topical search of these topics.

… the joy of the Lord is your strength. — Nehemiah 8:10 KJV —

So the ransomed of the Lord shall return, And come to Zion with singing, With everlasting joy on their heads. They shall obtain joy and gladness; Sorrow and sighing shall flee away. — Isaiah 51:11 NKJV —

Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous ones; and shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart. — Psalm 32:11 NASB —

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. — 1 Cor. 13:6 NIV —

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. — Philippians 4: 8 RSV —

To Be Continued ...

More on Masks ...

Removing the Happy all the Time Mask
Wearing Authenticity and Joy

(from Real Women Don't Wear Masks, Carol Van Atta and Dr. Kathy Rodriguiz)

We're still seeking a publisher for this project. I'll keep you posted when its available in its entirety. Until then, you can read tidbits right here.

The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.
~Eric Hoffer, The Passionate State of Mind, 1954

The striking, multi-talented, pop star strutted across the expansive stage, stopping momentarily to shake her hips and flip her cascading, trademark curls from side to side. While belting out one of her top-ten hits, she pivoted gracefully, and began her dramatic descent from the stage via a light-studded staircase. Before reaching the bottom, the smiling diva tripped, stumbled, and plummeted to the lower stage — landing with her jewel-encased gown tangled in a sparkling heap around her.

Before the audience’s shock had time to register in a collective gasp, this dedicated performer leapt to her feet and finished her song as if nothing had happened. Her smile remained intact, proving that not even a traumatic fall would get this lady down.

Let me just say, if I fell in front of thousands of people, I’d stay down and wait for my band members (or a paramedic) to remove me, sobbing, from the stage.

Now granted, performers are just that — performers. They are trained and disciplined, prepared to handle surprising circumstances with ease, and apparently with a big, toothy grin.
But, what about a pastor’s wife who is suffering excruciating emotional pain, yet continues to smile at her women’s group as if her life is perfect? She, too, is performing, and has chosen to wear the Happy all the Time Mask.

This ever-popular mask has been worn proudly by thousands of women through the centuries. Its decidedly cheerful perma-grin has graced many a dinner table, PTA meeting, church service, and even a beloved family member’s funeral. After all, remaining cheerful and appearing happy are this woman’s top priority.

Embracing the Lie

Our all-American Pastor’s wife has been married for 22 years. She serves as the Women’s Director at a 500-plus member church, and at any given time, is helping on between one and five committees, and providing personal counseling appointments to the women in their congregation. Known for her spectacular smile (dimples and all) and positive outlook about, well, everything, she is sought out by men, women, and of course, children of all ages.
After all, she has a bright, cheery and hope-filled answer for everyone. At times, she appears a bit tired and rundown, but her smile quickly erases any concern directed her way. Not even her closest friends know the truth — her truth.

She is the envy of every woman who meets her. Like the elusive Proverbs 31 woman, she manages ministries, helps her husband with his career and pastoral duties, and even home-schools her children, all while looking gorgeous and fit.

I’ll let her tell the story of one not-so-perfect Sunday morning …

I let out an audible sigh of relief as the worship leader energetically shouted, “Let’s praise the Lord!” With zeal that I did not come close to feeling, I, too, bounce to my feet with the rest of the congregation. My cheeks ache from smiling so much. I nonchalantly wipe my hands down the sides of my skirt, hoping no one will notice what I’m doing, or, worse yet, guess why I’m doing it. After shaking so many hands, I feel germ-infested. I know; I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do. I’m supposed to be happy that I’m in a position of leadership and have so many admirers, but I’m not. I try to be like Jesus, after all, he touched lepers, but I’m not sure I could do that; although, I’d certainly try if it made others feel better.

I can’t believe what happened on the way to church this morning. Bill and I were arguing about what limits we should set on our fifteen year old son, Timothy’s, television choices. Bill says absolutely no rated PG-13 movies. He even screamed at Tim, telling him that if he didn’t watch himself he just might end up you know where — hell. In a few minutes, Mr. High and Mighty will take the church podium and talk about the grace and love of God. How can he preach that message when he is so controlling and unforgiving at home?

I’m the wife, though. The woman who needs to submit with a smile, right? We argued until pulling into our regular parking spot. Then, of course, I put on my most gracious smile; after all, I’m supposed to be happy all the time.

Several years down the road, when this lovely woman was prepared to leave her husband, she finally sought help. It was then she remembered clearly, for the first time, about her childhood. She hadn’t always been a happy girl…

“Frances!” Her Father’s angry tone confirmed what Francis already feared — he was drunk — again. “Frances, get down here and clean up this kitchen. Your mom’s busy with the baby.”

Frances knew better than to argue with her father, especially, when he’d been drinking. Rushing down the stairs before he had time to holler again, she failed to see the baby rattle four steps from the bottom. With what felt like a slow-motion summersault, she twisted and thudded onto the freshly-polished, hardwood floor.

Her father’s heavy footsteps thundered across the floor, causing a knife of pain to slice through her temple.

He stopped, his hulking frame hovering over her. “You alright?” He asked with no obvious concern. Showing sympathy wasn’t something he did — ever.

Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she sat up shakily. “I’m okay, Daddy.”

“Well then, put a smile on that pretty face of yours, and get to the kitchen. Your mom isn’t feeling well, and her bunko group will be needing a happy hostess.”

Frances blinked back more tears and forced a smile onto her face. Ignoring the throbbing pain in her lower back, she resolved to make everyone’s night better.

If she didn’t, who would?

This future pastor’s wife had embraced several lies that so many women both in and out of the church have and continue to fall prey to:

1. It is my job to keep everyone happy and at peace.
2. My feelings aren’t important. I just grin and bear it.
3. I have to be happy all the time for people to like me.
4. If I just try harder and always act positive, everything will somehow work out.
5. As a Christian, I am to be of good cheer; there’s simply no place in the life of a Christian woman for anything but a smile.

With a belief system like this, it’s no wonder women find it difficult to take off the Happy all the Time Mask. Just keep on smiling, keep on smiling, keep on smiling, and you will keep on lying, to yourself, to God, and to others.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Removing the Tough Girl Mask

In today’s modern society, aggressive women who wear Tough Girl masks are frequently admired and promoted to positions of power and prestige. Their toughness is regularly mistaken for inner strength. Remember the movie Grease’s Pink Lady Rizzo — outwardly tough, but like a marshmallow inside. Like all tough girls, her mask was not a true reflection of what existed just beneath the surface.

Unfortunately, strong women are often compared to men, even adapting more masculine traits. This is not what godly strength is about. Not even close.

We were not created to be a Ms. or Mrs. Rambo in a skirt. Nor are we supposed to be timid little things daintily tiptoeing through life. Instead, we are to remove our Tough Girl masks and instead wear godly strength and gentleness.

Although these two qualities seem incompatible, in God’s scheme of things, they fit together like two missing puzzle pieces, making an ideal replacement for any façade of toughness.

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. — Matthew 10:16 NIV —

We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need.
— Colossians 1:11 NLT —

She is clothed with strength and dignity…
— Proverbs 31:25a TNIV —

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
— Isaiah 12:2 NIV —

…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
— Isaiah 40:31 —

The Story of a Queen

Consider the lovely Queen Esther, a perfect example of these two desirable characteristics — gentleness and strength.

Raised by her cousin, Mordecai, to be a faithful Jewish maiden, Esther was likely terrified when the King of Persia’s messengers thundered into the Jewish quarter seeking young virgins to fill the King’s harem, and eventually, a queen to grace an empty throne.

The knowledge of former Queen Vashti’s abrupt banishment would have spread throughout the kingdom by this time, leaving the local maidens fearful, and possibly hopeful. There were, certainly, plenty of ambitious ladies donning their Tough Girl masks and eager to take charge of the situation at the castle. After all, this was a position of power and prestige for a woman like none other, and I suspect feelings ranged from outright horror to unspeakable glee at the possibility of becoming King Xerxes chosen bride.

Taken from her humble home into a lavish palace of immeasurable wealth, Esther was forced to rely solely upon her religious training and relationship with God to survive the culture shock her new surroundings were bound to bring, not to mention, the uncertain future she faced. If not selected as queen, Esther would spend the remainder of her days as a concubine in the King’s harem.

Amazingly, something more than Esther’s exquisite beauty caught the attention of her handler. Her quiet strength, gentleness, and wisdom, apparently outshone that of the other girls.

Remember, these exotic beauties came from every corner of Persia’s’ expansive empire. Lack of “good looks” was not an issue for the women selected. Esther, however, stood apart from the rest. Her demeanor eventually won her the crown and special place in her husband’s heart. Esther had found favor with God and the King of Persia — favor that would soon be tested. Thanks to one of Xerxes’ right hand men, the evil Haman, the day to exterminate the Jews of Persia had been set. The verdict was signed, sealed, and then delivered throughout the kingdom.

Esther’s gentle strength and faith would be put to the test like never before. Even today, Mordecai’s words to his beloved cousin turned regal queen, echo through the corridors of history:

For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this? — Esther 4:14 NIV

Her response?

Fast.

Pray.

Prepare.

Plotting, manipulating, and acting tough were not part of Esther’s wise plan. Instead, Esther approached her earthly sovereign with strength and gentleness, until she reached his throne, where she bowed before him, awaiting the sting of metal against her neck, or the gentle touch of a scepter.

I picture Esther daring to glance up, meeting the eyes of the man who knows every curve of her body and the deepest thoughts of her soul. I imagine Persia’s powerful ruler, gazing at his bride, somewhat puzzled, yet intrigued by her boldness — boldness bathed in Esther’s gentleness. How could he not lower the scepter?

I can easily imagine the gasps of relief and a few muddled cries of disbelief as she reaches out to touch the tip of the jewel-encased staff. More importantly, I can hear deep in my spirit the thundering applause that shook the heavenlies on that fateful day so many centuries ago.

We can learn much from Esther. An orphan raised by a cousin. A teenager kidnapped by an at times ruthless political system. A woman forced to face death not only for her own survival, but also for the survival of her people. A woman that wore strength and gentleness rather than hiding behind a Tough Girl Mask.

In spite of Esther’s life circumstances, she was able to rely on God and the people He strategically placed around her. Although she alone had to face her king, she had thousands praying for her.

Removing false faces and mistaken masks isn’t a do-it-alone project. Rather, it’s a do- it-with-God journey — a journey that involves prayer, fasting, wise council, and loving support. God’s Word will become your guidebook to growth. Jesus will serve as your living example to follow. The Holy Spirit will empower you to let go of old masks and embrace new ways of living as a “real” woman of God.

Let’s pray.

Lord, You have created each and every one of us for such a time as this. I may not have a kingdom to save, but I do have a special purpose that is equally as important and uniquely suited to me.

Right now, I ask you to help me remove the Tough Girls mask. I’ve been trying to hide from the pain and heartache in my life. I’ve been pretending to be someone I was never created to be. I’ve acted in controlling, aggressive, and possibly even violent ways. I’ve been afraid to let others see my hurting heart.

Today, I choose to start a process of healing. I desire to put on the strength and gentleness that comes from You. Like Esther, I face many things. Like her, I desire to do so with integrity and without hiding any longer. I’m reaching out my hand to You, Lord. I trust You to help as I remove my mask. In Your Name I pray, Jesus. Amen.

I did it!

Just Because

When I found this lovely design on my new favorite "play" site, polyvore.com, I just had to share it with you. I plan on creating some of my own designs soon. Take a peek at my 9/11 Message at http://www.princesswarrior.bravejournal.com/.

Don't forget to watch for the next post on removing the Tough Girl Mask.

Masquerade Ball vs Masquerade Life

Before I even start with today's entry, let me say I found the most amazing site: http://www.polyvore.com/. Here you can create design boards like the one above. I am looking forward to putting my creativity to use and seeing what I can come up with. Maybe some of you will find this intriguing as well. My applause to the person who designed the above "masquerade ball" ensemble. I'd love to post your name and give you credit. Great work!

Ladies, it's time to talk again about "mask wearing" click the following link to read the first enstallment on this tantalizing subject: http://princesswarriorsreignreal.blogspot.com/2008/08/warriors-remove-your-masks.html

Dressing up for a Masquerade Ball can be great fun and provide an evening of mystery for those invited. However, if we were to remain hidden beneath our elaborate get-ups, over time, we might be tempted to think we are who the costume portrays.

Last time, we took a peek behind the Poor Me Mask. Today, let's look at the Tough Girl Mask. The following snipet of a Tough Girl is from a project that I'm working on with co-author, Dr. Kathy Rodriguez -- Real Women Don't Wear Masks: Removing False Faces.

In 1978, Grease, starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton John hit the big screen with a flurry of media attention. This musical far exceeded the expectations of its producers and has gone on to become an all-time cult classic. Most of you know the story: sweet girl (Sandy) meets nice boy (Danny) on summer vacation; school starts and sweet Sandy is now attending Danny’s high school; she discovers nice boy is really a bad boy, black leather jacket and all; Sandy meets up with the female versions (Pink Ladies) of Danny’s greaser-gang, The T Birds, and romance, dancing, car racing, and a lot of “mask wearing” ensues.

Yes, mask wearing.

Let me explain. In fact, let’s start with Danny, obviously a nice, caring guy attracted to a very conservative young lady. Who is Danny, really? Is he a polite young man or a cocky gang leader? I believe the soft, gentle guy is the “real” Danny, but for whatever reason, Danny has chosen to wear the big bad, I’m cool and tough, mask. He is accepted by his peers when donning that particular mask. It’s become his identity.

Sandy, who meets up with the Pink Ladies, and is influenced by their charismatic leader, Rizzo, makes the decision that to be truly accepted by Danny, she has to become a tough girl. Her entire appearance changes as she costumes herself with a whole new identity. At one point, Rizzo sings a song, revealing her true feelings, “I don't steal and I don't lie / But I can feel and I can cry / A fact I bet you never knew / But to cry in front of you / That's the worst thing I could do.” After all, “big girls don’t cry,” right?

So it is with most of us gals that put on tough-girl identities. We’re hiding for fear of being hurt, again.

Ah, the ever-popular tough girl, yep, that was me ― hard as steel on the outside, wimpy and mushy inside. After the swim team debacle I (Carol) changed. My trust level was pretty much nonexistent, and I made it a top priority for people to take notice of my new persona by behaving in some fairly unbecoming ways.

In junior high I ran track. After a track meet, we were all still on the bus waiting to exit when an older boy noticed that I had a big ugly pimple on my nose. I think he referred to me as Rudolf the red nose you know what. Before the sure-to-follow laughter erupted, I socked Mr. Pimple Pointer right in his noggin. No one was laughing at me after that. Although I was suspended for a day, I felt proud of this display of my new tough façade.

Have you ever noticed? After one or two violent episodes, people just look at you differently. All I had to do now was give someone “the look” and they gave me a nice wide space.

Wearing the Tough Girl Mask allows you to build a moat, or well-fortified wall around your life. And although I thought my toughness was protecting my heart, I, like Rizzo, had a whole lot of tears and a ton of grief hiding just beneath my mask. However, I was too afraid to remove this false face for fear of being hurt ― again.

As I grew older, I was so afraid of being abandoned and hurt again, I’d vacillate between pushing people away and relentlessly attempting to control every aspect of their lives. This proved especially true in romantic relationships. I acted big and bad on the outside, yet at the threat of losing that special person, I’d take care of everything in my man’s life to make myself indispensable. I was also the one all my girlfriends came to for advice; after all, I was tough, wise, and together. Little did they know!

The truth remains; wearing a false face is a lie. God is the God of truth. His enemy, our enemy the ― devil ― is a liar. When we are dishonest in any way, we’re walking on the wrong side of the street, and headed for one big accident.

Now, I have to admit, honestly, there were some major benefits to pretending to be tough, but there were far more complications and headaches than I can begin to describe. When I accepted Christ, finally, I was still attempting to superglue this crumbling mask together. It didn’t take long for it to completely disintegrate under God’s loving touch.

To learn more about removing this mask, watch for the next entry!

Quick note: We often hide behind masks after making a vow, or in some cases vows. Here are some of the vows that I made before putting on this particular mask:

Considering my heart-wrenching circumstances, I made two decisions that would affect my life for years to come, decisions that would alter my destiny.

1. I believed the lies that were spoken to me and about me.
I’m worthless.
I’m a failure.
Nobody likes me.
I’m not worth fighting for.
Friends will betray me.

2. I made a vow. I would become popular, cool, and tough. That way I could remain in control of my heart. (So I thought).

The stage had been perfectly prepared for me to pick up and put on my Tough Girl Mask. For years, I wore this mask well, attempting to conceal my fear of not being loved and accepted. “I’ll hurt you before you hurt me” became my motto. Eventually, though, I discovered what we all figure out at some point in life ― our masks don’t mask the pain forever.

Make Your Day Magical

Magical days ... ah. Just the words conjure up visions of childhood dreams, colorful sunsets, and fun-filled excursions to a land of peace and tranquility. If only we could create these awe-inspired days with the wave of a wand. If only ...

I know. I know. It sounds too good to be true. Life is hard; it brings painfuls surprises and unexpected events. We can end up feeling out of control and miserable before we walk out our doors if we're not careful, and prepared. We may not have a wand that sprinkles fairy dust, but we do have a God that lights our paths.

One of our big blocks to this daily "magic" is found between our ears -- our brains. If we're not careful, we can think ourselves into anything. I'd like to share the following article that was published a while ago. It reminds us that What we think = What we do.

One Evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of his palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. (2 Sam. 11:2-3 NIV)

What in the world was David thinking? He was a King that had it all. Most importantly, he had the blessing of God Almighty. Unfortunately, he, like so many of us, allowed his thoughts to ignite in him a desire to do something that he would later regret—horribly. Now, I am not suggesting that we all have committed the sins of adultery and murder because of our thoughts. But…maybe we have? Possibly, somewhere in the process of our own thoughts of revenge, or coveting a friend’s new home, or wishing for a kinder husband—we were stopped--somehow. Thank goodness! But the point is…we all have thoughts that are unpleasant, and far from righteous, at times in our own lives.

The world has tapped in on a small piece of the truth, suggesting we must learn to manage our thought lives in order to be successful. However, the world is misguided, too. The idea that we can just be “positive thinkers” and all will be well is yet another false belief. Telling ourselves to think happy-thoughts will not be enough as we fight the battle for our minds—and there is a battle. Faith in positive thinking is just not sufficient. We need to discover the power of right thinking, which is learning to rely solely on God’s word for the changes that we seek. In Philippians 4:8 (AMP), God’s word says:

…whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things. (Fix your minds on them)

So, how do we do learn to focus on God’s goodness, and learn the power of “right thinking” in the midst of a world that is throwing lies, seductions, and temptations our way like a baseball-pitching-machine firing fast balls right over home plate. How do we avoid making a tragic mistake in our thinking, such as David did that night, up on the rooftop, so many centuries ago?

I suspect that David’s thought life had begun to go array for sometime before he made the seemingly instantaneous decision that forever altered his, and his ancestors’ lives. I believe if he had been living as directed in Philippians 4, he probably would have retained his integrity. We can learn from David’s, and many others’ mistakes, showcased in God’s Word, how to change our own thinking. What we think, good or bad, really does effect our actions, and the course of our lives. There are several simple steps that will allow us to become “right thinkers.”

1. Live in God’s Word—It is so true. There is no better way to change our thinking than to incorporate God’s word into every aspect of our lives. If we make it a habit to turn to His Word throughout our days, we will find our thoughts changing. I like to think of it as mealtime and grazing. Sometimes we will sit at the feet of Lord for a long time, in His Word, savoring it like a choice meal. But as people on the go, we may have days where we do a lot of “grazing” -- brief moments of reading a scripture, or receipting a passage. This habit keeps our thoughts focused on what is good and pleasing when we don’t have a great deal of time for the luxury, five-course meal.

2. Speak God’s Word—There is something to be said about reading God’s word out loud, and in prayer form. Creating a list of scriptures that help your thoughts stay focused on God, and His ways, can be extremely helpful. Read His precious words whenever you have the chance. When we are focused on God’s truth, our thinking is right, and wrong thoughts must move over, and out!

3. Write God’s Word—In a journal, or a notebook, take a moment to copy a section of scripture, or write it out into your own personal prayer. There is something powerful about writing, just as it is powerful to speak God’s Word. These methods seem to drive the truth deeper into our souls, and we are able to remember the content better, which is great when our thinking strays, because the Scriptures we have been speaking, and reading, will come to mind—and to our rescue.

4. Include Others—Building support and accountability is crucial to the process of right thinking. When we let others know what we are doing, and allow them to support us with truth and love, we more readily find success. When our words are not kind, or ungodly, a friend can gently ask us what are we thinking? By enlisting others, we are able to stand for God’s truth, and pray for each other.

5. Pray—Of course, pray! We must invite God into our quest to conquer negative thinking. The power of His Holy Spirit will strengthen us as we move forward in this process separating truth from lies.

Amazingly, somewhere a long the way, our minds are renewed, just as God’s Word promises. An area of struggle is suddenly gone. A negative thought pattern has been replaced by God’s truth. We are more thankful and grateful for what we have. As we participate in the process of learning the power of right thinking, God, in His unlimited power, steps in the does the rest. The power of our right thinking will be displayed by our right actions! Because, really, it is true -- What we think=what we do.