Allowing Change to Change you ... for the better

Change. It can arrive without warning and change, well, everything. I

I'm discovering that a ton of little changes can cause disruption to our lives leading to us feel overwhelmed. Or ... we can instead comit to trusting God, and allow the changes that come our way to change us for the better. Easier said than done.

Right now, at work, there is a lot of "rearranging" going on in my department. This means: redoing forms, working with new people (who do things differently), more meetings, more work ... etc. First, let me say that I am super grateful for my day job. I love it. HOWEVER, I'm learning that I still struggle with "being in control." I want things my way at work. (Big surprise! Not.)

Also, I find myself trying to prove my worth in the workplace. You know; making sure those newer employees know that I know what I'm doing. On a more positive note, I am encouraging and helping train these newcomers, and they're great. In fact, the people are in no way the issue. It's simply me having to change the way I do things that gets me flustered. I didn't realize I was such a creature of habit. Okay, I'll just say it: I'm not real flexible at work. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, but inside I'm growling about it. Grrrrrrrrr. Those inner growlings can turn into loud barks if I'm not careful. My eyes tend to flash my disapproval, making it easy for those around me to sense my discomfort.

As I was thinking about writing this, I was reminded of Disney Princess, Mia. Lovely Mia, dorky school girl transported into the role of pretty and purposeful princess. The changes that girl went through in a very short time (thanks to movie-magic, of course) were phenomenal. I can only imagine the inner stress someone would feel in that same situation, if true. Yikes!

Granted, the changes were positive, just like many of the changes on my job, yet, regardless, change can cause us to become uncomfortable, unwilling, and unrighteous. Yes, unrighteous. If we're not careful we can let our feelings about changes reap havoc on those around us, if we don't learn to embrace those changes with God's plan and purpose in mind.

No matter what change is happening, good, bad, or somewhere in between, God can and will use change to grow us up spiritually. God doesn't let us hangout in a comfort zone for long, does He? He's always stretching us spiritually, increasing out abilities to reign real as the princess warriors we were created to be.

Like Mia, we can wear our crowns with class, or throw temper tantrums along the way. If we belong to King Jesus, we can rest assured that He will help us through any changes and transitions in our lives, if we let Him.

So, in a practical sense, I'm planning to embrace these latest changes with enthusiasm and integrity, adding my creativity and experience to the process in such a way that I help everyone involved. No more whining, complaining, or shooting eye-daggers. After all, change is a fact of life that we can't hide from, and, truthfully, why would we hide? A stagnate body of water becomes stale, even foul. A rolling river moves forward, around bends and curves, always going forward. Sitting in a stale, sour puddle of water doesn't sound real appealing. Riding the rapids of a river may be scary at times, but how exhilarating!

So, ladies, what changes are happening in your world? Are you fighting them or partnering with God in the process? I want to challenge you to take a a risk, get in the raft, and head for the rapids. Although, we may fall out on occasion, God is sure to get us back to dry land.

God bless you!

PS. Readers, please pray for the women of Coos Bay, OR. I will be speaking at their upcoming women's conference in two weeks. I'm asking that God prepare their hearts for mighty change and renewed hope. Also, please pray for my family and finances. I recently lost a significant amount of my income when my position at Bethany House was ended. With the economy in shatters, and donations down, Bethany House had to let all employees, but the director go. Please pray for more people to come along side this vital, life-saving ministry so they can transition into a new program format for single women with children. Thank you!

Leave the stones behind

Wow! Where has the time gone? Have you noticed that I've started my last three posts off with a similar explanation?

It's time, finally, to refocus and push the re-start button. Baseball season (my son's) is over. Once again, I have found myself in a place I don't like. Too focused on his abilities and talents and all that that encompasses and less focused on what really matters: Loving God and Loving Others. Big no-no! When we do this; we end up feeling empty, icky, and too far from Him -- Jesus Christ.

Yes, we can make ANYTHING an idol, even our children and their activities. I wonder when I'll learn the lesson and cease repeating the pattern. I can pray and prepare to do much better next time around. God is like that, you know. he will give us the "opportunity" to do things the better way until we are able to do so.

Today, (and many days this summer) God has spoken to me about loving and encouraging words vs. not-so-nice and even downright mean words. Seriously, I find it so much easier to encourage my clients, other women, audiences I speak to ... the list goes on, than it is to encourage my own children. I've even earned the title "crazy mom" this summer, from not just one child, but two. That's not a good statistic when 100% in question agree.

Seriously, sometimes I'm so quick to point out the "truth" that I use some pretty mean methods with little thought to the damage and destruction my form of "motivation" is reaping in their lives. Also, they both have been getting under my skin with some of their own issues. My responses haven't helped matters. At church this morning, I was reminded quite clearly, again, about the importance of speaking truth, not lying, and not using our tongue as a wounding whip. When we practice loving words and loving actions we become incredible testimonies for our Heavenly King. We can try harder to speak better; read tons of self-help books: go to seminars and classes; ultimately, though, only God can change the way we speak by changing what's in our hearts.

Consider for a moment how so many fires get started during the summer months. You only have to drive through a national forest to notice the signs marked either: green, yellow, or red. It's evident what season we're in right now. Fires are devastating. They can cause miles of damage, destroy homes, property, and even lives. Sometimes fires rage for days, weeks, even months during fire season. Yet these raging infernos are often started by one tiny spark. Someone carelessly throws a match down and before they realize what's happened it's burst into frightening flames of fury. Even worse, there are those -- we call them arsonists -- who purposefully start fiery destruction regardless of the future damage.

Aren't our words the same? One nasty little comment. An untruth. A rumor. Even a truthful comment spoken in angry haste can lead to a bonfire of burning hearts.

I have to admit I've become rather obsessive with telling my children what they should do. After all, I'm the mother, right? I spend more time searching for the stones in their lives and pointing them out than I do enjoying the diamonds that they seek to share with me. I don't want to be known as the "nagging mother." No one likes a nag. I don't. Do you?

So why do we end up becoming that which we can't stand? Because by our own power we cannot control our sin nature. We may seem "tame" but then someone or somethings pushes our buttons and we can quickly create an inferno of words better left unsaid.

Imagine a lion. Our pastor shared about a tape he had watched where tourists got their pictures taken with one huge "tamed" lion. All went well until on unsuspecting visitor stepped on the tamed lion's paw. That tame lion nearly mauled the man to death. His true nature came through under pain, under pressure. Granted, we aren't animals with inbred instincts, but we are human beings with inbred sin. It is only by God's power and grace that we can truly find hope for our dilemma. Without the power of the Holy Spirit helping us restrain our sin nature, we will continue to start fires.

So, what can we do? How can we tame our tongues? These are the tips my pastor shared:

1. Realize that ONLY GOD can change the way you speak

2. Respond to the Holy Spirit's promptings. (Have you ever felt that nudge or prompting that tells you to shut your big mouth? It behooves us to heed these promptings.)

3. Be accountable. (Let others know of your struggle. When you blow it, which we all do at some point, have others around you that will pray for you and give them permission to point out your sin in love.)

4. Cry out to God for help. (Psalm 19: 14 is great for this. "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

I know I've touched on this topic more than a few times. I'm guessing it's something we need reminders about. I know I do.

As we start our weeks, let us look for the diamonds and stop seeking the stones. If we've started a fire or fires, let us do our best to put them out and help clean up the damage our fires might have caused. Let's reach out to God and others for help in becoming the Princess Warriors for Christ we were called and created to be. After all, when there's a house fire, a truck with a team of firefighters come to douse the flames, a remodeling company helps restore the home ... it's a team effort.

Bottom line let's ask God to continue renewing our minds and softening our hearts. For as our hearts soften our words will not be as hard.

God bless you sisters.

A Series of Unfortunate Events and God's Glory

Did you wonder if I fell overboard? Considering my series of "unfortunate events" that would have been a fitting conclusion. Anyway ...

Here's a summary:

Remember, I've been having financial struggles like the rest of the world. Also, I was preparing to speak at a women's event, topic: Dressed for Battle - Becoming a Princess Warrior for Christ. I don't think the devil likes it too much when we stand against him and proclaim God's goodness and glory. Anyway again ....

The list of unfortunate events:

The week prior to the retreat my son was recovering from the flu/coughing nightmare that's going around, my mom (who lives with me) got the stomach yuks -- big time, and was pretty much bedridden in between her trips to kneel at the porcelain throne, or sit upon it.

Then:

1. I got sick and was in bed not able to do my prep work for the retreat and missing important stuff at work.

2. The day of the retreat, still not feeling well, I was running late due to my son's baseball game. After the game, I followed that still small voice that told me to stop into Jiffy Lube to have my oil level and tires checked before heading out of town to Cannon Beach Retreat Center. There, I discovered my car was dry as a brittle bone - no oil. So I had to have some flushing thingie done to get my car oiled up, which was an unexpected cost. Not good with a limited budget. Next, the friendly service guy informed me that my left, rear tire was totally flat and balled. He said, "As a professional, I can't not warn you that this tire is ready to blow. Do not drive over the mountains on this tire. Get it fixed now."

3. Off to Les Schwab's Tire Center I go, already running waaaaaay late for my engagement. I have to wait and wait and wait to get my used tire on, which is more money I hadn't planned on spending. Big sigh.

RETREAT WAS AWESOME. INCREDIBLE. FANTASTIC. GOD IS GLORIFIED. GOD HEALS. GOD DOES MIGHTY THINGS FOR HIS PRECIOUS PRINCESS WARRIORS. I'M BLESSED. THE LADIES ARE BLESSED. ALL IS VERY GOOD. I return home ...

4. Back home exhausted, head to work Monday. Check my bank account and see that it's $200.00 overdrawn due to someone pulling out funds that were not approved to be pulled. I freak out. Cry. Cry. Wail. Finally pray and reach out.

5. Next day have to go to the bank and open a new account; close the old one etc. etc. Big hassle, but it works out. (thank you, God)

6. My daughter calls me later while I'm at work crying. Admits that she broke my flat screen computer monitor. I'm a writer with deadlines etc. I have no money to replace an expensive monitor right now. Try old monitors, none work. I'm frustrated, again.

All this stuff seems rather unfortunate, if you know what I mean. Unexpected. Unpleasing. I remember that I am supposed to praise God no matter what my circumstances. Paul, from a filthy Roman prison praised God. So must I. However, I feel tromped on. But I pray anyway, still grumbling a lot.

Phew! Now remember just a while back - my roof blew off, plumbing issues, major challenges with my daughter at school.

So? What to make of all this ... it's life in a fallen and imperfect world. I can choose to crumble beneath the weight of what feels overwhelming or turn to God for relief. He promises to lighten our load. Yet, He also says there will be trials and tribulations this side of heaven. As I write about this, I'm reminded that although life has been frustrating and inconvenient, He has made a way. I found a three-ton monitor from the year 20 BC that gives graphics a whole new meaning, but I can at least write and do my ministry work now. We have a new roof thanks to home owner's insurance. The toilet flushes (now). My daughter is doing better. We're all feeling healthier. There's hope. There's a promising future. We're saved by the blood of Christ.

If you've lived in this world for any length of time, you, too, understand that our lives can seem overwhelming at times. We wonder if we're wearing a big sign that says: "Go on! Hit me with your best shot." Thankfully, no matter what, if we belong to Christ, there's always hope for a better tomorrow. We have Someone to walk beside us. Someone who will carry us should it become necessary. Someone who died so we can look forward to a future with no more tears, no more pain, no more suffering. Thank you, Jesus!

My unfortunate events may seem to be mere annoyances to some, and looking back, in comparison to what others are facing, they are pretty insignificant. But, I have strange feeling that you can relate to just how VERY BIG those little things can seem at the time.

So, if you're facing trials, tribulations, or temptations, remember God is bigger than all of them. With Him all things truly are possible. We are victorious in Christ. We are overcomers. AMEN!

Watch for my upcoming entries on the Armor of God. After all, when we're dressed for battle, we can expect greater success. God bless you, Princess Warriors.

Masquerade Ball vs Masquerade Life

Before I even start with today's entry, let me say I found the most amazing site: http://www.polyvore.com/. Here you can create design boards like the one above. I am looking forward to putting my creativity to use and seeing what I can come up with. Maybe some of you will find this intriguing as well. My applause to the person who designed the above "masquerade ball" ensemble. I'd love to post your name and give you credit. Great work!

Ladies, it's time to talk again about "mask wearing" click the following link to read the first enstallment on this tantalizing subject: http://princesswarriorsreignreal.blogspot.com/2008/08/warriors-remove-your-masks.html

Dressing up for a Masquerade Ball can be great fun and provide an evening of mystery for those invited. However, if we were to remain hidden beneath our elaborate get-ups, over time, we might be tempted to think we are who the costume portrays.

Last time, we took a peek behind the Poor Me Mask. Today, let's look at the Tough Girl Mask. The following snipet of a Tough Girl is from a project that I'm working on with co-author, Dr. Kathy Rodriguez -- Real Women Don't Wear Masks: Removing False Faces.

In 1978, Grease, starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton John hit the big screen with a flurry of media attention. This musical far exceeded the expectations of its producers and has gone on to become an all-time cult classic. Most of you know the story: sweet girl (Sandy) meets nice boy (Danny) on summer vacation; school starts and sweet Sandy is now attending Danny’s high school; she discovers nice boy is really a bad boy, black leather jacket and all; Sandy meets up with the female versions (Pink Ladies) of Danny’s greaser-gang, The T Birds, and romance, dancing, car racing, and a lot of “mask wearing” ensues.

Yes, mask wearing.

Let me explain. In fact, let’s start with Danny, obviously a nice, caring guy attracted to a very conservative young lady. Who is Danny, really? Is he a polite young man or a cocky gang leader? I believe the soft, gentle guy is the “real” Danny, but for whatever reason, Danny has chosen to wear the big bad, I’m cool and tough, mask. He is accepted by his peers when donning that particular mask. It’s become his identity.

Sandy, who meets up with the Pink Ladies, and is influenced by their charismatic leader, Rizzo, makes the decision that to be truly accepted by Danny, she has to become a tough girl. Her entire appearance changes as she costumes herself with a whole new identity. At one point, Rizzo sings a song, revealing her true feelings, “I don't steal and I don't lie / But I can feel and I can cry / A fact I bet you never knew / But to cry in front of you / That's the worst thing I could do.” After all, “big girls don’t cry,” right?

So it is with most of us gals that put on tough-girl identities. We’re hiding for fear of being hurt, again.

Ah, the ever-popular tough girl, yep, that was me ― hard as steel on the outside, wimpy and mushy inside. After the swim team debacle I (Carol) changed. My trust level was pretty much nonexistent, and I made it a top priority for people to take notice of my new persona by behaving in some fairly unbecoming ways.

In junior high I ran track. After a track meet, we were all still on the bus waiting to exit when an older boy noticed that I had a big ugly pimple on my nose. I think he referred to me as Rudolf the red nose you know what. Before the sure-to-follow laughter erupted, I socked Mr. Pimple Pointer right in his noggin. No one was laughing at me after that. Although I was suspended for a day, I felt proud of this display of my new tough façade.

Have you ever noticed? After one or two violent episodes, people just look at you differently. All I had to do now was give someone “the look” and they gave me a nice wide space.

Wearing the Tough Girl Mask allows you to build a moat, or well-fortified wall around your life. And although I thought my toughness was protecting my heart, I, like Rizzo, had a whole lot of tears and a ton of grief hiding just beneath my mask. However, I was too afraid to remove this false face for fear of being hurt ― again.

As I grew older, I was so afraid of being abandoned and hurt again, I’d vacillate between pushing people away and relentlessly attempting to control every aspect of their lives. This proved especially true in romantic relationships. I acted big and bad on the outside, yet at the threat of losing that special person, I’d take care of everything in my man’s life to make myself indispensable. I was also the one all my girlfriends came to for advice; after all, I was tough, wise, and together. Little did they know!

The truth remains; wearing a false face is a lie. God is the God of truth. His enemy, our enemy the ― devil ― is a liar. When we are dishonest in any way, we’re walking on the wrong side of the street, and headed for one big accident.

Now, I have to admit, honestly, there were some major benefits to pretending to be tough, but there were far more complications and headaches than I can begin to describe. When I accepted Christ, finally, I was still attempting to superglue this crumbling mask together. It didn’t take long for it to completely disintegrate under God’s loving touch.

To learn more about removing this mask, watch for the next entry!

Quick note: We often hide behind masks after making a vow, or in some cases vows. Here are some of the vows that I made before putting on this particular mask:

Considering my heart-wrenching circumstances, I made two decisions that would affect my life for years to come, decisions that would alter my destiny.

1. I believed the lies that were spoken to me and about me.
I’m worthless.
I’m a failure.
Nobody likes me.
I’m not worth fighting for.
Friends will betray me.

2. I made a vow. I would become popular, cool, and tough. That way I could remain in control of my heart. (So I thought).

The stage had been perfectly prepared for me to pick up and put on my Tough Girl Mask. For years, I wore this mask well, attempting to conceal my fear of not being loved and accepted. “I’ll hurt you before you hurt me” became my motto. Eventually, though, I discovered what we all figure out at some point in life ― our masks don’t mask the pain forever.

The Refiner's Fire

The story is told of a group of women that met for Bible study. While studying in the book of Malachi, chapter three, they came across verse three which says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled the women and they wondered how this statement applied to the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out more about the process of refining silver, and to get back to the group at their next Bible study.

The following week, the woman called up a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him while at work. She didn’t mention anything about the reason for her interest, beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith work, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire, where the flames were the hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot, then she thought again about the verse, that "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the entire time the silver was being refined.

The man answered yes, that not only did he have to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on it the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "But how do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that’s easy - when I see my image in it."


So, we must remember that although it can be uncomfortable, even painful, when God works on us, it's ultimately for His glory.

Palace Protocol

Blessings, Princess Warriors!

I hope you had a fantastic weekend. Sunday evening, I had the honor of sharing with a wonderful group of women at Freedom Foursquare Church in Portland, OR. I was the speaker for their annual Fancy Feast. Great event title! The topic ... Reigning Real as a Princess Warrior.

We had only a short amount of time to dive into this rather deep subject. I wanted to share a tiny piece of this teaching with you.

The theme of change flows through the Bible like a fast-flowing river, branching out and touching many lives. We read story after story of men and women, who following an encounter with the King of Kings, change, for the better. They put off the old and put on the new. As the Bible explains, we, as new believers, become new creations in Christ. Thank goodness! The old me was none to pretty or princess-like. I might have been considered a warrior, but I was fighting on the wrong side for the wrong things before my own personal encounter with Christ.

Let's break down the word "real" and discover some simple (but not always easy)steps for reigning real:

R emove false faces and mistaken masks
E mpty your bag of burdens. (emotional junk)
A dmit your mistakes (keep on confessing) "Tell on yourself"
L et go of false beliefs about God and yourself

After ridding ourselves of the old by removing, emptying, admitting, and letting go of, we can now ...

R adiate His glory
E njoy life, even while enduring
A dmire God
L avishly love

Let's do life God's Way today -- the real way.