Stuck, Frozen, in Fear

Not the most appealing title for a blog post, I know. But I want to talk about an issue that has plagued me these past few years, more than I care to admit. 

Three years ago, in March, my mother left earth for a new heavenly home. A great reason for celebration. At least that's what my 'head' said. I mean it's true. When we belong to Christ we have an eternal destination that will surpass our greatest imaginings. The Bible tells us so. 

Unfortunately, my heart wasn't in agreement with my head. My mom was my best friend. The last ten years of her life, she lived with me. As a single mom, she played a huge role in helping raise my two children, who are now almost 20 and 26. She was an incredible woman who gave far more than she ever received and never complained. I'm sure she received all the rewards she could ever want in the presence of our Savior. 

Regardless of her heavenly happiness, I spiraled into a realm of depression, anxiety, and ultimately fear that froze me in place. I'd spent years speaking regularly at women's events and retreats, writing, blogging, serving in ministry leadership, and believed my foundation was firm. It wasn't near as firm as I thought.

Grief ignited something in me that was not pretty and it definitely wasn't from God. 

I had trouble leaving the house. My mortality became terrifying as I watched more people I knew get sick or die. I've always known death was inevitable. And I had felt secure in my salvation, but for some reason, her death rocked my beliefs and the devil came striding into my life, spewing his hateful rhetoric and fueling my fear. Worse. I let him.

Instead of resisting his attacks, I rolled over and pulled the covers up over my head. Literally. As you probably are well aware, bed covers are no substitute for a godly set of armor. 

My church attendance dwindled then died. My devotional time and Bible study became a rarity rather than a regular part of my day as it had been for so many years. I started struggling with my own health challenges, some serious.

Thankfully, God doesn't give up when we do. I'd still manage a short prayer most days, and as hard as I tried to hide there were people, friends who were persistent, perhaps even pushy in their pursuit of me and my healing. 

Over the past year, I have slowly reclaimed my Princess Warrior identity. I've found a new church home that is perfect for me right now. I've started spending more time with other believers and am back in the Word on a regular basis. Do I still struggle with depression and anxiety? I am not going to lie. I do. But I continue to cry out, "Lord, help my unbelief." I've taken to saying the Lord's Prayer daily, savoring each portion of that prayer, trusting His will will be done on earth as it is in heaven. The plan and purpose he had for me to help other women navigate life's numerous pitfalls has not changed.

I have always wanted my writing, my ministry, and my life to encourage others who struggle. Believers who desire more of Jesus. People who know they're not perfect but who are passionate about change and want to live victoriously in a fallen world. 

These past few months I've discovered some wonderful Bible study companion books that helped me on my quest to find new freedom. I'd like to share them with you.

1. Happiness, Randy Alcorn
2. Unshakable Trust, Joyce Meyer
3. The Fearless Life, Jentezen Franklin (I'd never heard of this author/pastor, found it four a couple of dollars on Christianbook.com 

All the books provided plenty of scripture references and the first two had study workbooks available, which I purchased. I continue to use the prayers found in book three as starters when praying is difficult. 

I was so ashamed of my depression and fears turned phobias that it was difficult to talk about. Of course, once I did, I learned like I always do, we're never alone in our feelings. We're here to love and lift each other up not to judge with ill intent and tear down. 

It is my hope that by revealing my fear fiascos it won't take you so long to reveal yours! 

This is one of the prayers found in Franklin's little, power-packed book:

"Dear Jesus, forgive me for allowing my mind to be filled with fear. Help me to become a warrior instead of a worrier. I choose to obey Your commands and to go forward in courage even when I feel afraid. I say with David, 'What time I am afraid, I will trust.' I believe that will begin to see miracles in my life as I take Your Word and believe Your promises, declaring in the face of the enemy, 'It is written.' Thank you, Lord. Amen."

No More Masks! Removing the Seductive Mask

The following excerpt was taken from Real Women Don't Wear Masks by Carol Van Atta & Dr. Kathy Rodriguez (not yet published) If you are a women's ministry leader/pastor and would like Carol and/or Kathy to share at your women's retreat about removing masks and embracing God's best, please email: carol_vanatta@yahoo.com or visit: http://www.carolvanatta.com/ for additional ministry details.

One dictionary describes the word seduce as follows:

1.: to persuade to disobedience on disloyalty 2: to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises 3: to carry out the physical seduction of: entice to sexual intercourse 4: ATTRACT Synonym see LURE — se-duc-er noun

How true? Seduction involves being led astray. Both parties — the seducer and the “seducee” — are led away from what is good and what is right. Such enticement happens for an array of reasons.

Women have learned through the centuries that their so-called feminine wiles, beauty, and sexuality can be used to sway men to do their bidding in spite of great consequences. Some women pick up this mask so frequently that it seems natural. After all, a few bats of those eyelashes and certain men have been known to forfeit their God-given destinies for a moment of promised passion.

What about the movie Pretty Woman? Some called it a “Cinderella Story.” But let’s get real, shall we? Julia Roberts was trying to get by and resorted to prostitution in order to make ends meet. Her naivety and outward beauty caught the attention of one lonely millionaire. They slept together and then he hired her to be his escort while he was in town. After wining and dining her, this handsome man rescued her from her former way of life and, together, they headed into the sunset in a super-extravagant, stretch limousine.

Again, the Seductive Mask was worn as a means to survive and it appeared that by donning this facade that our seductress won the ultimate prize — a real life Prince Charming.

But, sadly, the Pretty Woman story has just one thing in common with Cinderella — it’s a fairy tale. This is a mask that ultimately won’t work and a mask that will take us far from our Lord and King, our ultimate Knight in Shining Armor, our one true Prince Charming.

Today’s media only helps perpetuate the myth of unsurpassed glamour and glorious gifts that wearing this mask will provide. The following lies are replayed across our TV screens, in romance novels, on the Internet, and at movie theatres daily. Every young girl, teenager, and woman must face and overcome the following common, yet unrelenting lies:

1. Only beautiful and sexy women are admired and get what they want.

2. If I’m not pretty enough, I can still be extremely sexual and get my way.

3. Powerful women are seductive women; they are not ashamed of their sexuality, nor should I be.

4. The best way to get a man to do what I want is to behave seductively.

5. As a Christian woman, I can still be flirtatious and get my needs met by men. After all, I’m not actually having sexual encounters.

6. All the famous and desirable women are clearly seductive; therefore, if I want attention I should behave that way, too.

7. Appearing seductive is the best way to stay in control and have power over men. It will allow me to feel in charge and I won’t get hurt. After all, I’m the one calling the shots.

The constant mantra of the above messages leaves us struggling to stay on the path of truth. Everyday we must make a choice to lay this mask down where it belongs … at the foot of the cross. A greater understanding of why we are so often tempted to turn to this false face will help.

More on the Seductive Mask

The book of Proverbs offers a number of dire warnings to men, yes, men, in regard to women who are hiding beneath the mask of seduction. These women are referred to by several seemingly harsh terms:

Prostitute.

Adulteress.

Seductress.

Yet, when we are wearing this infamous mask, are we not indeed acting as such?
Proverbs 7:21-23 (NIV) states:

With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing
it will cost him his life.

Consider Proverbs 6:25, 26 (NIV):

Do not let lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the Adulteress preys upon your very life.

Ladies, we don’t share these words of truth to shame you, but to challenge you with lessons we’ve learned in falling victim to this mask. We are aware that horrible things from childhood lead many of us to wear the ever-popular seductive façade. However, the truth remains that this mask is far from God’s best. It is not what He has planned for you. It will never give you the true acceptance, confidence, control, power, or admiration that you crave. Eventually, the effects of this mask lead to death — an emotional and spiritual death for certain — for some, physical death.

If we indeed follow through, and use the Seductive Mask in a way that leads to sexual sin, the results can be life altering … deadly.

HIV, unplanned pregnancies, ruined marriages, families destroyed, and ministries uprooted are just a few potential side effects. The devil would like nothing more than to have Christian women buy into the lie that this mask is effective.

Let’s instead rise up and remove this deadly face, replacing it with godly Beauty and Modesty.